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The Cellular Neutraliser

27 Apr 14 | Re: Scientific villainy scenario | Link-U-Post

DNA! DNA, Mr Bond. The stuff of life. It is hard to imagine, is it not, that our very essence, everything that makes us who we are, is contained not in the brain, not in the heart, but in those tiny twisted strands in the nuclei of even our humblest cells. In my case, my mighty intellect, my clear-sighted ambition, and my... unique way with people all reside in my DNA. In your case, well, for whatever qualities you may be said to possess, we also have your DNA to thank.

But DNA, this remarkable substance, it is not itself so unique. Do you know what DNA stands for, Mr Bond? No, I didn’t... It stands for Deoxyribo-Nucleic Acid. Acid, Mr Bond! This remarkable substance, that contains our very being, it is an acid just like household vinegar. Which brings me to my rather wonderful machine here. I expect you have been wondering. Well, this marvellous device to which you find yourself connected is designed to interact with its subject’s DNA. That tank you can see up there contains a quantity of bicarbonate of soda – an alkali! When I throw this switch, the bicarbonate of soda will enter your cells’ nuclei and neutralise all the acid there – including all your DNA – converting it to water and a harmless salt.

I can assure you that the process is quite painless. You will survive surely enough. I am not in the business of murdering my test subjects. But without your DNA, Mr Bond, you will lose your uniqueness. You will be utterly ordinary: your determination, your reactions, your skill with a pistol, even your inexplicable allure to the more small-minded among the female gender, all will be gone, and you will remain an unremarkable drone just like Olaf here. And while you, as Mr James Bond, were proving somewhat... inconvenient in the course of my plans, I doubt that I will get any trouble at all from an unremarkable drone.

Enough talk! The time has come. You may feel a little... tingling.


Curses! Olaf, seize him! No, not me you clumsy buffoon! You will regret this, Mr Bond!


Posted by THE BIG BAD I SAID NO at 14:02

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